Heidi Hayes is a fabulous voice teacher in the Philadelphia region. She is also a mentor to many artists here, and she recently wrote a piece on career-life balance. Although I am not a working artist, her words ring true. Worth a read for anyone thinking about work-life balance. Below is an excerpt.
I admire people who can hand their kid over to a caretaker and fly off to do a six-week stint in Europe. I really do. I admire people who can take on the role of a lifetime while their kids are under the age of 10. I couldn’t do it. I didn’t have enough psychological space. But what matters is that I know why, and that’s what you need to know for you and your life. I knew that being available for the Kid was the most important thing for me. I was lucky; I had had a pretty nice career before I had a child, so I knew that I’d be okay if I didn’t achieve more of my career goals in this lifetime. I also knew I could never forgive myself if I messed up a kid, particularly one that came from my gene pool.
I knew I was missing opportunities because there was a chance that they were coming at the wrong time in my relationship with the Kid and I was okay with that. Conversely, opportunities appeared that allowed me to be available for the Kid and fulfilled me as an artist. Maybe not as much as I wanted, but enough to keep me balanced.
I was also fully aware that I could mess my kid up even more by being around. My kid’s pretty self-contained, and he’s always been that way. So, I’ve done a lot of waiting, listening, and holding my tongue (and we all know how challenging that is for me) while calmly hanging in the parental holding pattern. He has always made it clear when I was really needed and every single time, I have been grateful. Grateful that I made the decision to be available and grateful that he could express himself.
I think the hardest part of this family and career intersection is figuring out what works for you. When it doesn’t line up with what you see others doing, you can really question your decisions. I know that’s hard for me. There’s a little part of me that’s very jealous of these people who can be parents and don’t have to be available all the time. I wish I could do that. But I can’t. So I haven’t. The reward is that I know I’m following my gut, and my kid is doing well. He’s a great human, he’s healthy, he’s vibrant, he’s his own person. I couldn’t ask for more.